Flickr

February 06, 2005

I don't wanna miss a thing

In Kingdom Hearts, you role-play and encounter various folks from the Disney stable of characters. I feel there's a great opportunity to extend this concept to other creative universes. To wit, Heimer Hearts.

In Heimer Hearts, you play Ben Affleck in search of his next big movie. To find the role that will right his career, Affleck must revisit (and conquer) the past films of Jerry Bruckheimer. And he must do it in a Square/Enix style RPG.

You'll shoot down Russian MiGs (turn-based action) while training to become the best fighter pilot in the world - as well as trying to bed your choice of Ice Man or Kelly McGillis. You'll lead a special forces squadron on an assault on Alcatraz with the assistance of an elderly airship pilot called Cid. And you'll return to outer space to save the world from an in-bound asteriod which may or may not be the evil reincarnation of your half-demon father.

I see Axl Foley as a unlockable character late in the game. I see a series of tedious (but optional) fetchquests set on the island world, Pearl Harbor. And I see Affleck riding around on Kanjaroo Jack like some kind of aussie chocobo. Possibly, that's just a minigame.

Regardless, Game of the Year - guaranteed.

4 comments:

Chester said...

You are a brilliant, brilliant genius. (The only change I would make is that it should be "Benaffleck," not "Ben Affleck." But, otherwise, brilliant, brilliant genius.)

dgcopter said...

You forgot the inclusion of a J-Pop song awkwardly translated into English inserted over an epic FMV of Affleck making out with Ice Man/McGillis.

Jason Goldman said...

I would go with Take My Breath Away sung in japanese.

Chester said...

J-pop's a moribund genre. All the dynamism comes from their neighbors to the west.

In that vein, my vote would be for H.O.T. doing a cover of "Danger Zone," by Kenny Roggins.